A piece of the puzzle is missing.

I always seem to get into a major funk around this time of year. I'm sure it has something to do with not knowing what my "story" is. I am adopted and have known this since I was very little. My mom and dad made sure to tell me, that way I wouldn't find out by accident.

I was reunited with my birth mom and sisters in 2000, which has not been an easy relationship. Sometimes I often wish I had not searched. I have a decent relationship with the older of the 2 girls, 12 years younger than me. We talk at least 2 times per month. But the other sister, our age difference is just too great (20 years) that we can't seem to make a connection. I don't know where to begin with my relationship with my birthmom. I have asked many times for background information and every time the story changes. I don't know if she doesn't remember who my birth father is, or if she doesn't want me to know. Either way, it's not fair. I also had a difficult time getting medicial history out of her. I finally had to write to her siblings and they gave me a basic idea of what I needed to know. It's very frustrating.

My birthmom has never acknowledged Dylan, now 3 1/2, more than 2 times in his life. She will fly several states away to visit my sister and her baby, but has never even attempted to come visit us.. But yet she expects to be called "Grandma". In my opinion, that is a title that has to be earned. She also wants to be called "Mom" by me. She gave me life, yes, and made the choice to give me up. For that I am eternally grateful because without her, I wouldn't have Dylan. However, that is where my feelings for her end.

I know this post is very rambled, but it's something that no-one seems to understand. There's no way that they can, they aren't adopted, so this is just a way to let my feelings go and not keep everything bottled up.