Thursday, February 7, 2008
The feeling of being alone
Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like you are totally alone in the world? No moral support, no shoulder to cry on when you really need it, no-one to say "I'm here if you need to talk" and it will be ok? I have, more often than I would like to count. The last 3 1/2 years have been bad, but this last year, I can't even describe. DH & I seperated a year ago for 4 months for alot of reasons, but basically it was for what he was doing or wasn't doing. That statement itself speaks volumes. DH is on disability for alot of things, so he doesn't work. A year and a half ago, I had to place Dylan into Daycare because he wasn't able to take care of him anymore due to his health issues. I had no problem doing that because it was what was best for my child. But since then DH doesn't help with anything....dishes, laundry, taking care of Dylan, etc. If Dylan is sick, then I take off work. On occassion, he will cook dinner, but then it's back to bed. Anytime I ask for help, I get "I don't feel good" or "my back hurts". I understand he does have severe back issues, to the point where we are looking at an upcoming surgery. And NOTHING gets done unless I ASK him to do it. Then more than likely it doesn't get done anyway unless it's by me. He does help financially, but that is about it. I work part-time but I'm there fulltime hours, because it's better than listening to him complain.We split again in October, for a week. Again it was for the things he wasn't doing. I don't think my birthday has been acknowledged since we first got together. But then again neither has Valentine's Day or Mother's Day. But if I forget those days, heaven forbid. The only part of me that he seemed to acknowledge is between my neck and my knees, if you know what I mean. He never told me he loved me or that he needed me. Still doesn't do it much.Believe it or not, I love the guy. He's the father of my son. I don't want Dylan to be a statistic, however I don't want to live the rest of my life unhappy. Nor do I want to spend my life alone.If you have made it this far, I commend you and thank you for letting me vent.
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4 comments:
been there done that
FIRST OF ALL I HAD SOMETHING PLANNED FOR vALENTINE'S DAY AND YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! BUT SINCE YOU DON'T LIKE SURPRISES I GUESS I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I HAVE PLANNED. AND SECOND OF ALL, I STARTED TELLING YOU I LOVE YOU EVERY DAY AND THEN I QUIT JUST TO SEE HOW LONG IT WOULD BE BEFORE YOU SAID IT FIRST, SO THAT IS WHY YOU HAVEN'T HEARD IT MUCH.PLUS WHEN YOU TOLD YOUR BOYFRIEND THAT YOU LOVED HIM ON YOUR TEXT MESSAGE ON MY BIRTHDAY IT KIND OF STICKS WITH ME. AS FAR AS THE HOUSE GOES, IF YOU WOULD GET RID OF SOME SHIT INSTEAD OF HANGING ON TO EVERYTHING IT WOULD BE NICE. AND YOU NEED TO REMEMBER ABOUT YOUR CHEATING AND LYING TO ME, AND SNEAKING AROUND BEHIND MY BACK WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND IN OCTOBER.
AS FAR AS SEX WITH YOU GOES, LIKE WE EVER HAVE IT. WE HAVE SEX MAYBE ONCE EVERY 2-3 MONTHS AT THE MOST.
AND THAT IS NOT BECAUSE OF MY DOING. I AM GETTING READY T0O HAVE A 3 LEVEL FUSION ON L5,L4,L3 AND YOU ACT LIKE I CAN RUN AROUND AND GO SHOPPING WITH YOU EVERYDAY LIKE YOU DO. AND AS FAR AS DYLAN GOES, YOU NEED TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT HOW I HAVE BEEN WATCHING HIM WHILE YOU GO SHOPPING EVERYDAY AND WHEN DAYCARE IS CLOSED. YOU NEED TO TELL BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY MICHELLE. YOU LIKE TO GET PEOPLE TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, YOU ALWAYS HAVE. YOU NEED TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR SOMETIME. THAT IS WHERE THE ANSWER TO A LOT OF YOUR PROBLEMS LAY.
You, Robert, need to back off. this is not the way to treat a woman. and as far as watching dylan goes he is YOUR son. And as far as the back problems, if you lost some weight many of those things would be a nonissue.
michelle, you need to leave and make a life for yourself and your son. he needs stability and good role models.
actually i do know your world and i don't appreciate you speaking to me or to Michelle that way.
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